REMINDER: This
Sunday, 26 October, at
2:00 AM, the clocks go back one hour.
Church Gate Collection for Solas Family Resource Centre is November 8 and 9 in Shrule and Glencorrib. If you've ever taken advantage of the services that Solas offers, please consider contributing. And thanks to all those who did contribute at the last collection.
COMMUNITY SERVICE
Overcoming Bullies
In primary school, she was the little beast who stole the
toy you were playing with and called your clothes ‘cheap and ugly.’
In secondary school, she sat with her clique at lunchtime
and whispered about you, pointing and laughing, maybe even throwing food at the back of your head.
But now you’re older, wiser. You like your clothes, you have trusted friends, and you walk
down the street with a sense of confidence.
That is, until 9:00 am, when you skulk past her corner
office and pray she doesn’t call you in and scream at you, adding yet another
project to your overly-heavy workload.
The bully never dies. She or he merely changes form.
At Solas, we hear a lot of stories about bullying, across
all age groups. If you or someone you know has been a victim of bullying,
please keep reading. This article is chock-full of resources that may be able
to help.
WHY DO THEY DO IT?
In order to deal with this problem, it helps to
understand why it happens in the first place. So, why is it that some people feel
the need to hurt and humiliate others? What do they really stand to gain
from this cruel behaviour?
According to psychotherapist, Katie Hurley, bullies are not
born, they are raised. Bullying, at
its core, is a learned behaviour that is used in response to stress. It is
an attempt to gain superiority or control over another.
Many
researchers say that bullying in the workplace has increased due to the
economic depression putting undue stress on management, causing them to lash
out at employees.
Bullies—whatever
their age—tend to have a few things in common:
- Immature social skills
- Lack of compassion and
empathy
- Poor impulse control
- Watch more aggressive TV
shows and play more aggressive video games
Whatever the reason, bullying is always, always unacceptable.
WHO ARE THE VICTIMS?
As annoying
as the TV shrink, Dr. Phil is, his adage, ‘We teach people how to treat us,’ rings
true, especially when it comes to the victims of bullying.
Dr. Phil’s advice . . . If someone in your life is treating you
in an undesirable way, figure out what you are doing to reinforce, elicit or
allow that treatment. Identify the payoffs you may be giving someone in
response to any negative behaviour. For example, when people are aggressive,
bossy or controlling — and then get their way — you have rewarded them for
unacceptable behaviour. This includes your boss!
Commit to changing things and don’t revert back to destructive
patterns. To talk about change and not do it is to teach that person to treat
your statements and declarations lightly. Although it will likely be difficult
to effect change, you must not compromise. To compromise in this area is to
sell out your most precious commodity: you.
WHY DOES IT MATTER?
As the example at the top of this article shows, a bully who is not
stopped, grows like a fungus.
According to Dr. Christine Porath, a Georgetown University
professor in Washington, D.C., who studies workplace incivility, it’s not easy
to convince already-overworked business leaders to pay attention to the issue
of workplace bullying. The key, she says, is showing them how incivility takes a
toll on productivity by showing how it costs
them money.
Irish Statistics compiled by Rayner and Keashley in 2004, estimated that for an
organisation of 100 employees, the cost of workplace bullying, including
replacement cost of employees who leave, would be $1.2 million. That estimate
did not include the cost of litigation should victims bring a claim against
their employer. In the intervening ten years since that study, the cost to
employers has undoubtedly increased.
Many people endure a golden-handcuff
job, choosing to remain in a workplace where bullying exists simply because
they feel they can’t afford to leave. In fact, a Neuro survey found that only
9% of people are happy at work. Uncomfortable and conflicted work environments
lead to plummeting productivity, increased stress, hindered performance, high
turnover rate, and absenteeism. As people in the Headford area know well,
extreme conflict can even lead to suicide and death. One national study found
that just watching someone get
bullied at work is linked to depressive symptoms.
THE LAW IS ON YOUR SIDE
In Schools
Under civil law, schools and the board of
management owe a duty of care to students while they are at school. If they do
not protect students from injuries which they should have reasonably prevented,
the school can be held negligent. If an act by a student places another student
in reasonable apprehension of physical harm, it may constitute an assault under
civil law. There is no age of responsibility under civil law.
In the Workplace
The Health and Safety Authority requires that employers take
reasonable steps to prevent bullying in the workplace. There should be an
anti-bullying policy and established procedures for dealing with complaints of
bullying in the workplace. An employer should deal with such complaints
immediately. If you follow the established procedures to complain about
bullying and your employer does not deal with the issue, you do have recourse
under the law.
WHAT CAN YOU DO?
Behaviour
Modification
The first and strongest thing you can do to prevent bullying
is to change your behaviour. A few of the ways you might do this include:
Believe that you are stronger than the bully, because deep
down, you really are
Show minimal reaction to bullying or stand up and walk away
with dignity
Above all, be sure to stand up for others if you see they
are being bullied. Witnesses dis-empower the bully.
Do not make jokes at your own expense or try to prove to the
bully that there is nothing they can do to hurt your feelings. Jokes will not
defuse the tension; they just fuel the fire.
Laugh at anything the bully says, or recite a totally
irrelevant quote or lyric, like: ‘Follow the yellow brick road!’ This can
surprise the bully, cause laughter, or give you time to get away.
Ask your school or workplace to offer talks or seminars on
bullying, putting it in the front of everyone’s mind.
Take Action
Keep an
accurate, written log of all instances of bullying, including the date and time
of each occurrence, the names of people involved, as well as the names of any
witnesses. Keep the original of this document safe at home. This step is
crucial.
Approach the
bully and point out their behaviour, using a specific example. Say it’s hostile
and offensive, and that you wish them to stop.
If you are
too frightened to do this, take a copy of your written log of the bullying
behaviour and its effects on you, to a manager or to HR. Proving that you have
something in writing gives you power in this situation.
It may be
necessary to progress to mediation. Again, this is why keeping a written log is
crucial.
Further Action
Books
Some excellent books are available on Amazon.com and
Amazon.co.uk. For example:
Stop Picking On Me (A
First Look at Bullying) by Pat Thomas and Lesley Harker
Take the Bully by the
Horns by Sam Horn
The Bully at Work:
What You Can Do to Stop the Hurt and Reclaim Your Dignity on the Job
by Gary and Ruth Namie
Help Online
Counselling
Sometimes, all you need is someone to help you form a plan
of action. Toward that end, Solas offers confidential and affordable counselling
service.
Legal Help
Ultimately, if you’ve followed all the channels and the
bullying situation has not been dealt with or has not been dealt with effectively,
it may be necessary to seek legal assistance. Terry Gorry, an employment rights
solicitor in County Meath offers quite a bit of information on his website. For
instance, there’s an important difference between occupational stress,
workplace stress and bullying. The first two are not actionable offenses, but
bullying, defined as inappropriate and repeated behaviour, is. To find out more,
visit this link:
One Galway
solicitor with years of labour law experience says that if a client came to her
with a bullying complaint, she’d most likely recommend taking the case to civil
court. ‘But the bullying has to manifest in personal injury,’ she advises. ‘It
needs to be something diagnosed by a consultant as a medical condition.’ For
instance, bullying can result in psychological symptoms and emotional distress
like sleep loss, anxiety, fear, depression, humiliation, as well as physical
disorders like stomach distress, ulcers, and headaches. When emotional
or physical symptoms occur, it is important to get your GP involved as early as
possible to make sure there is a written record of the stress associated with
your workplace. The Galway solicitor says, ‘You need concrete, objective proof,’
and documentation from a medical professional is a good way to get that proof.
If the bullying becomes unbearable and you are forced to leave your job, you may be entitled to compensation under the Employment Appeals Tribunal. However, it is recommended that you obtain legal advice about your rights before leaving your job.
While all of
the steps listed in this article can help, ultimately, bullying must be
addressed in the same manner that racial and other forms of discrimination have
been tackled. With protection that is written into law.
